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Thursday, 8 January 2004
ok
i haven't written in here for fucking for ever. but hey! here we go! Well the teachers are fucking gay and almost suspended me today because i said FUCK! and the best part is...it was a death threat "ill FUCKING kill her" they only care that i cursed! fucking idiots. OMG LOOK IM SAYING FUCK ...FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!!!! oh and my moms boy friend is a complete and total douche bag. everytime i have plans to go out...he changes them...so im stuck home EVERY FUCKING TIME. and my mom said that he never changes anything and he does sooooo much for my sister and I. all he does is fix the internet, and i swear if he says something about me messing up in school again...its going to get violent...or i could just bring up something about his son. we all know that kids nothing but a huge fuck up...(ok so maybe you dont, but i do!)
well anyways besides all that today was great!
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 5:57 PM EST
Saturday, 27 December 2003
Did you ever fall down that hole, where you feel almost complete nothingness, with a throbbing pain in the background letting you know its there in hiding, and you fear it...yet you dont want anyone to pul you back out?
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 11:46 PM EST
Friday, 26 December 2003
fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck
Never sleep until like 5pm, especially when your used to getting up no later then 9 or 10. It messes with you, I swear. But it was christmas and I did everything in my power to aviod people, and i would have just moped around the house like a pitiful depressed kid. I'm going to aviod the reasons why because i dont want to depress myself now. I'd rather fall asleep with out crying for once. But now its 1:17 and i want to sleep, but i cant. So anyways...im bored as hell, and iwant to write in my actual journal but nnoooo im to lazy to go get it...yes i am a lazy fuck. and my leg fell asleep grr...I'm going to go...
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 1:18 AM EST
Tuesday, 23 December 2003
ok...
another entry for today. Ok well, I'm kind of bummed about not going to tenesse. My dads work fucked it up big time. I was so excited I miss my peoples down there alot, I havent seen my uncle since my grandpa died *tear* oh joy tomorrows christmas eve...this is going to be horrible. When I'm home ill definatly be hibernating, If I can't at least talk to my grandpa I don't want to talk to anyone else....
on the better side of things, I love my bass. I finally learned how to read and write tabs, w00t I'm so happy, I can play "Die Eier Von Satan" by tool...w00t its pretty easy lol, and i was trying to play Iron Man, I'll have that down soon...w00t I'm so proud of myself!!
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 10:47 PM EST
I finally,
found something that makes me happy, Seclusion. Not knowing what's going on with people around, not hearing anything from anyone. Although I'm not technically away, I'm happy. People are finally beginning to leave me alone in the house, and I can just stay in my room and keep to myself. I did almost nothing but play my bass and read, I was online for alittle while but not to long. I love isolation. I don't understand why people say its not healthy, I mean to a point yeah I can see it not being, but I'm fine now. There's so much emptiness, but yet not. I love the emptiness, the isolation, I find peace in it...aww I'm so pitiful lol...
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 6:34 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 23 December 2003 6:37 PM EST
Sunday, 21 December 2003
It's been awhile,
since I've writen in here. Oh well. The past couple days have been ok, then joyful Christmas time comes along. I was fine up until my Dads girlfriends kid were opening their gifts. They both recieved gifts from they Grandpa, and I remembered...this is going to be the first year I don't get a gift from my grandpa. Not that I care, but it's the thought of knowing I'm never going to get that call saying "hey, how's your christmas?" or "I miss you and your sister, when are you coming to visit me and grandma". God I miss him so much. I would give anything to be able to see him right now. Christmas reminds me so much of him, and Grandma...and he's gone and she's really really really sick. I can't even be in the same room with her for more then five minutes without balling. I don't like this...everything I look at makesme think of him.
The last time I saw him was when he was lying in his casket, God I didn't even cry when I touched his cheek. It makes me sick. I should have cried. The family must have thought there was something wrong with me. Seeing him there has killed me. I miss him so much...
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 6:09 PM EST
Monday, 15 December 2003
...
Today was funny as hell...well about half of it. It started off by me sleeping in because of the two hour delay bullshit, then come to find out after that we have another two hour delay so i'm like cool i'm going to stay home and sleep all day. But then Marisol's cuban ass apears at my house. I'm like ok i want to sleep. Then my mom calls and we find out there's no school. Yey for me i can finally sleep. Not quite... So marisol my sister and i are all running around being idiots...so then they leave, my mom comes home and shes like psycho and now im just feeling lone...very alone...
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 6:51 PM EST
Sunday, 14 December 2003
feeling kinda sad about....
everything. I was fine most of the day up until now. Then the night comes and i feel so alone. I hate the fucking snow and i want it to melt and go away. Theres nothing much i have to bitch about right now...so yeah. I'm just mucho lonely and i want out of this place...someone come kidnap me please!?!?!!?
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 7:00 PM EST
Saturday, 13 December 2003
i need you...
I need someone...i feel like everyone is falling away...thank god theres nothing around me that i could cause any possible damage with...
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 9:39 PM EST
...
This is he beginning of the diary of Tiffany Fuller(mtv moment) In 11 days I leave for tenesse...I can't wait. I need out of this place, I will make no contact with anyone except Bri and maybe a couple others but i highly doubt it. No one will miss me, I'm sure people will be glad that they get to go with out hearing/seeing me for about a week.
*I want to leave this place so bad. I see no point in anything anymore. I'm 14 and already dead inside...(pathetic). I actually contemplated suicide today, then i thought about brizzel and my sister and i couldnt possibly leave either of them behind....enough said...i cant even type anymore with out crying...hmph and i didnt even get out half of what i had to say*
Posted by xxriotgrl666xx
at 8:58 PM EST
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